So, I quit the band. I knew it was coming, they knew it was coming. Its done. Such a big load off that I can't explain it. Yes, it has been my lifelong dream to play music full time. Yes, this was the best band of which I've ever been a part. Yes, there is major record label interest, high CD sales (for an indy band), and a plethora of booked dates. So why am I so happy to walk away from it?
I'm a queer. The band is a christian rock/worship band. Religious-right, republican, conservative, uptight, judgmental, unaccepting, and unforgiving. Don't get me wrong, they are three of my favorite people in the world, and I greatly value them as friends. And we made some kick-ass tunes. But as I make my way out of the dark corner, through the neatly folded winter and fall clothing, past the tie rack and the shoe caddy and across the threshhold out the closet door, I have grown weary of living my two lives.
No longer should I subject myself to faux-holy and annointed, overly pious ignorants who think that my love is less favorable than their's. No more should I willingly place myself in situations where I am forced to either lie and speak out against my own beliefs or remain silent to avoid confrontation and condemnation. Never again should I be expected to accept empty words and ideologies without so much as questioning why it has to be the only truth.
It was not possible to remain in the band and break free of those chains. I couldn't go through another day pretending I wasn't in a kind of self-inflicted bondage. It is better to step away from one's comfort zone and into the unknown than it is to stay in an unexplained, unrealistic, unGODLY hell of a reality. That's right, I said it. The perfect churchy bullshit that I had chosen to exist in cannot possibly be ordained by a loving Creator.
A message to the church: Let the JUDGE do the judging! Remove the plank from your eye and see that there is alot of real, unconditional love that HAS GOD'S STAMP OF APPROVAL! Deal with it.
So yeah, quit the band. Happy day. ;-)
