My Ass Hurts....
So, I've been hacking up all kinds of thick, offwhite sticky substance lately. No, not that... I finally went to the doctor yesterday, and as it turns out, I'm actually sick. Severe sinus infection and a bit of minor bronchitis. Now, normally, I don't really do the whole doctor thing, but I figure I've missed enough work that I should probably justify it.
My office is a damned disease ridden hellhole right now. We've got people out with pneumonia, bronchitis, the flu...just about everything short of Asian Avian SARS, though I wouldn't be surprised if it happened next. Anyway, the desire to avoid all of this illness motivated me to go see the doctor for the first time since moving to Tennessee.
My doctor's name is Hugo Caballero, which sounds like a hot hispanic porn star to me. His name is the single reason I chose him as my PCP. Unfortunately, I have yet to actually see him, so I can't tell you if the boy lives up to his name (although the UPS guy who delivered while I was in the waiting room was hot)...
I walked into the second floor clinic office and soon realized that nobody in the room spoke a word of english. The receptionist knew enough to get me checked in, and then I waited. At 2:45 my 1:30 appointment began.
Since this was my first time visiting their office, I was subjected to various weighings and measurings, as well as getting my blood drawn (which makes me feel like a wet noodle)... After the premlimanaries, I was ushered into a dimly lit, tiny room with the bench/lounge thingy that's covered in noisy paper covering. My nurse came in, looked at the goo in my throat, and stepped back a foot or two. She wrote my five prescriptions and asked if I wanted a sinus cocktail. Now, I love cocktails. I love cocks. I love tails. I love any combination of those words. I said "sure", not really knowing what that meant.
(Helga, the obese German Housemarm enters stage right)
Ok, so her name wasn't Helga, it was Marshenetria Delrese or something pathetically ghetto like that. And she wasn't obese, she was actually pretty skinny aside from the fake DD's and the junk in the trunk. And she wasn't German, she was some combination of black and hispanic. But either way, I found out that there are no cocks, no tails, and certainly no martinis involved in a sinus cocktail.
So I've been pricked by a needle in the ass. It's sore, but my sinuses feel better.
My office is a damned disease ridden hellhole right now. We've got people out with pneumonia, bronchitis, the flu...just about everything short of Asian Avian SARS, though I wouldn't be surprised if it happened next. Anyway, the desire to avoid all of this illness motivated me to go see the doctor for the first time since moving to Tennessee.
My doctor's name is Hugo Caballero, which sounds like a hot hispanic porn star to me. His name is the single reason I chose him as my PCP. Unfortunately, I have yet to actually see him, so I can't tell you if the boy lives up to his name (although the UPS guy who delivered while I was in the waiting room was hot)...
I walked into the second floor clinic office and soon realized that nobody in the room spoke a word of english. The receptionist knew enough to get me checked in, and then I waited. At 2:45 my 1:30 appointment began.
Since this was my first time visiting their office, I was subjected to various weighings and measurings, as well as getting my blood drawn (which makes me feel like a wet noodle)... After the premlimanaries, I was ushered into a dimly lit, tiny room with the bench/lounge thingy that's covered in noisy paper covering. My nurse came in, looked at the goo in my throat, and stepped back a foot or two. She wrote my five prescriptions and asked if I wanted a sinus cocktail. Now, I love cocktails. I love cocks. I love tails. I love any combination of those words. I said "sure", not really knowing what that meant.
(Helga, the obese German Housemarm enters stage right)
Ok, so her name wasn't Helga, it was Marshenetria Delrese or something pathetically ghetto like that. And she wasn't obese, she was actually pretty skinny aside from the fake DD's and the junk in the trunk. And she wasn't German, she was some combination of black and hispanic. But either way, I found out that there are no cocks, no tails, and certainly no martinis involved in a sinus cocktail.
So I've been pricked by a needle in the ass. It's sore, but my sinuses feel better.
posted by Dustin at 1:54 PM
3 Comments:
Bravo! You used the word "cock" in a sentence. You make us proud.
Why the hell is it that when i go to my doctor (a Greenwich Village hippie feminist), she never gives me a good goddamn thing, saying that it's "viral, not bacterial" and antibiotics won't help me. Bitch. I need to go back to the South where they prescribe drugs willynilly. I just spent $55 on a humidifier instead.
I had everything listed and then some. Wait, I didnt have the SARS but I am missing several pints of blood. My cabinet looks like the damn Walgreens Pharmacy.
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